I’d like to preface this by saying we’re about to get real, and sometimes real isn’t pretty. My name is Madysen and this is not only what led me to boudoir but also my journey to self confidence. All my life I have struggled with my weight, acne, and stretch marks/scarring. In February of 2022 I was the heaviest I had ever been, I couldn’t bring myself to look at the scale anymore and even looking in the mirror was hard to say the least.
I had tried all the diets, many different fitness plans but I just couldn’t get the weight off. It felt like I’d do all this work and somehow the numbers on the scale kept going up instead of down. I was defeated. I had brought up the issues I was having with doctors and was dismissed for a long time, until one finally sat down and said “no, this isn’t normal”. That week I was diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome, I started medications to regulate my hormones which has helped with the acne and weight loss. However, it also gave me another reason to feel like I was at war with my own body, the major possibility of infertility.
Throughout all of this happening I was also in love with a man who wouldn’t choose me. I had loved him since we were 16 and every time someone thinner or prettier came along I was once again second best, an afterthought.
Within a few months I had lost a bit of weight but every time I looked in the mirror I still saw all the reasons he wouldn’t choose me. It wasn’t until I was sitting on the floor in front of my mirror bawling just looking at myself that I realized I had to do something, anything, to change the way I saw myself.
This is where my first session with Tassay came in. I was so nervous, to the point I was shaking all the way to the studio. It wasn’t until we were about mid shoot that I started to feel not only at ease but truly sexy. Tassay and McKayla are the ultimate hype girls! We also just had a blast. We were joking, laughing, and being silly. I can honestly say I hadn’t been that uninhibited for a very long time, I left there already feeling like I could take on the world just from the environment.
Then I went to see my photos. I can honestly say that it was the first time in years that I had looked at myself and thought “omg, I look beautiful”. After that I felt like a goddess, like I could take on the world, I had the most self confidence I have ever felt.
I continued to work on myself, not just physically but mentally. I worked really hard on not placing too much value in what others thought of me. It’s still a work in progress and I have to remind myself often that my feelings about myself are the only ones that matter.
Going into my second shoot with Tassay I went in buzzing with excitement rather than nerves, and it showed. Tassay and McKayla both noticed that a totally different person walked into the studio that day. I was able to voice my opinions and thoughts on what I wanted to do. I tried on lingerie and danced around the studio. One of the biggest things that make working with these amazing women so great is that you will always feel heard. I said I wanted to incorporate the vintage phone and they made it happen. I said I wanted a bit more dramatic of a makeup look, they made it happen. I told Tassay what I didn’t love about my body in a photo, she told me all the ways she could edit it that may make me feel better about it.
My first shoot with Tassay was a big turning point for me. Seeing myself through her lens was the moment I realized, I was treating myself unfairly. I was being unkind to myself unnecessarily. Whether or not I carry extra weight or have acne doesn’t matter. Whether someone else loves me or not doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is whether or not I love myself, and boudoir completely opened my eyes to the fact that I am worthy of self love and am capable of being my uninhibited self. I still struggle just as much as anyone else but going into this with an open mind allowed me to see myself not only through someone else’s eyes but through my own without the blinders I had put in place.